


this is how you bend the stars beneath your fingertips

by plantyourtreeswithme



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 20:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantyourtreeswithme/pseuds/plantyourtreeswithme
Summary: Crowley remembers.





	this is how you bend the stars beneath your fingertips

He is Raphael again, and he is looking.

He is looking across the white expanse of Heaven, at an angel with hair that is sort of curly and perhaps Will be considered cloud-like, someday. He is talking to another of the Archangels - perhaps Gabriel - and...

He's beautiful.

Raphael wants, yearns.

* * *

His hair: red, copper, whatever you want to call it, but not of fire.

No, it burns much brighter. Brighter still than even the cosmos he has created.

He remembers this. He remembers speaking to God; he remembers Her telling him to go forth and fashion the stars in a way that pleased him, in a way that pleased Her.

He took his burning strands, and cut them, shore them away, flung them into the empty space and the void and the impregnable Nothing. He let them shine.

Brighter than Lucifer, even.

* * *

Lucifer, smiling to him softly through the gentle, glowing haze. A firm hand laid upon his shoulder, a gently-spoken commendation.

He wonders what it is like to fall in Love.

And then, the beautiful one: fluffy, with little golden flecks on his cheekbones that are like stars, or dust from comets, and the blue eyes that remind Raphael of oceans that don't even Exist yet.

He glances over, and goes all smiley and warm, and Raphael melts.

He doesn't need to wonder.

* * *

He speaks to God. He asks Her, in the place that has been made into his living space: his workspace; his table, upon which he can chart the stars; the white spire, where he can look out upon the beautiful, empty plains and marvel at the beauty of Creation.

He looks down through what Will maybe be called clouds, and asks God what She has planned.

She says, INEFFABILITY. He knows that She is smiling at him. He basks in the warmth of Her Love. He knows She has laid out his place, his part in the puzzle. He knows what he is meant to do. _She_ knows what he is meant to do.

That doesn't mean She is surprised when he Falls.

* * *

He learns that the one he Loves is named Aziraphale.

He learns that he is the most beautiful of all God's servants.

He learns that holding his smooth hands is the highest privilege imaginable.

* * *

He learns that he wants to rip his own feathers out when he sees That look on Aziraphale's face, as he is Falling, as he is reaching for Aziraphale, his wings singeing, the smell of rotting, of pennies sizzling in the hot sun on black asphalt.

* * *

The-thing-that-was-once-Lucifer sings to him upon the hard earth that is not yet tilled.

Softly. Coldly.

The-thing-that-was-once-Lucifer no longer glows. It is swathed in shadows. Raphael's once-golden, yellow-sick gaze jumps away instinctively whenever he tries to look upon it.

So he peers at it out of the corner of his eye: negative space in his peripheral vision.

It tells him not to be afraid. It sings. He wishes it would stop.

* * *

Raphael finds that he is not Raphael anymore.

He finds he no longer loves Lucipher.

He finds he still Loves Aziraphale.

* * *

He finds Aziraphale no longer Loves him in return.

How can he, when They have ensured he has forgotten?

* * *

Crowley wakes.

He calls out for God, and receives no answer.

* * *

He does not tell the sleeping angel by his side that he remembers, that he dreams.

He slips out of bed and goes to the window.

He looks out at the night sky, and remembers what it was like to cradle the stars in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment below if you appreciated this short piece! Kudos are wonderful, but don't tell fic authors much about what their readers think of their writing :)
> 
> Also feel free to follow [my Good Omens sideblog](https://fallwithmemydear.tumblr.com) and/or [send me writing requests](https://fallwithmemydear.tumblr.com/ask)!


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